


Dear Henry

by HeleSL



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Depression, Suicide, This is really sad, not necessarily romantic, tw
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-08
Updated: 2017-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-16 08:17:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,785
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10567302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeleSL/pseuds/HeleSL
Summary: TW: mentions to depression and suicide. Also major character death. This is just really a one shot from a prompt I read a while ago. Emma finds out Regina's real intentions. Not necessarily romantic.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This is going to be sad. Like, really sad. And triggering. You've been warned.

Emma got there in time to see Regina landing on the ground, pushed by the centaur. She rushed to help, calling out for her and just when Regina heard her, she looked at the monster and threw a fireball at it, making it vanish into a grey smoke.

“Wow Regina. That is the fifth monster you take down this month.” Emma offered her a hand, helping her to her feet and Regina brushed off the dirt of her pants. “You’re going to leave me without a job to do if you keep this pace.”

Regina chuckled softly, “It’s not like you had _much_ of a job. The only threats in town are these monsters and Leroy. I’ll be happy to help, except for Leroy; I’ll leave him to the Sheriff department.”

“Oh so kind of you,” Emma joked, rolling her eyes. “But seriously, you can call me if you feel a monster or something. I’m the Sheriff after all and the Saviour,” she added with a slight grimace at the title, never quite used to it.

“I can deal with a few shoddy monsters,” Regina huffed, raising her chin.

Emma concealed the urge to roll her eyes again; this woman can be really stubborn. “Still, it would be better if you had back up, or else one day one of these monsters will kill you.” Regina smiled, but her eyes dyed with a strange hint of sadness. However, Emma didn’t notice, her attention drifting to her phone, which had rang.  “Shit, I forgot,” she muttered under her breath. “I gotta go before my mom accuses me of ditching her for dinner again. Wanna come?”

Regina’s lips drew a strained smile, “Perhaps another time.”

Emma grinned at her and nodded. “I’ll take your word for that. And don’t forget to call me if anything happens!” she called out already ascending the hill towards her car and waving her hand.

Regina watched her go, staring at the same point where Emma had disappeared long after she was left alone. There, by herself in the woods, she rolled her eyes to no one, walking over to where the centaur had been reduced to ashes. The ground was still dark in the exact spot where it had been standing.

Lately Storybrooke was like a magnet for all kinds of monsters and creatures, each one of them threatening to disturb the peace of the small town, and because of her magic, she was able to feel the soft shift in the air whenever one of them landed there. And, of course, being a part of the ‘heroes’, Regina was to stop them. She was on a constant test to prove where her heart directed her to go. She didn’t need to read the citizens mind to know; she could read it on their faces. _Are you really a hero, Regina? Are you really helping us, Regina? Are you on our side?_ She swallowed the now usual lump in her throat and disappeared into purple smoke, leaving the woods behind.

* * *

 

“You should’ve seen it. The centaur had her cornered when she landed on her back. I thought it was about to win and I ran to help her but suddenly she threw a fireball at it and it just vanished!” Emma explained amazed as she helped her mother cutting vegetables for dinner.

After turning to throw tiny pieces of onion inside the pan, Snow came back to her side, “She really is trying to prove she can be a hero.”

Emma nodded, “Yeah. I mean whenever any danger threatens this town, she’s there. When I arrive she is already defeating it. I swear one day I might get a call of a cat stuck on a tree and when I arrive, she will already have pulled him down.”

“Like one of those superheroes in Henry’s comic books,” Snow laughed softly and Emma joined.

“She’s like Supergirl and I’m just a cop. I mean I’m fine with it, but I’m the Sheriff—”

“And Saviour,” her mother interrupted her.

Emma rolled her eyes and nodded, “Yeah, and that. And since a few months back, I do nothing all day. It’s kind of boring.”

Snow shrugged not so subtly, “You could always come by the school and give the talk I’ve been asking you to give for months.”

“No offence, mom, but what am I going to say to 8 year old kids? Don’t do drugs and don’t throw a curse?” Emma threw the chopped carrots inside the pan and leaned on the counter, crossing her arms. In front of her Snow mirrored her position.

“I was aiming to something more like ‘Hey, this is what I do in my job’ kind of thing, you know? Inspire the kids, maybe there’s a sheriff among them who doesn’t know it yet.” Snow looked at her with big eyes, trying to convince her.

Emma chuckled, “What I do all day? I just said I do _nothing_. Regina does it all for me. I have told her to call me for help but she just keeps throwing herself into dangerous situations on her own.” Emma bit her lip and lowered her gaze, “I’m kind of worried she’s taking this ‘prove I’m a hero’ thing too far. I don’t think she needs to prove it all days at all hours, but she just won’t listen to me.”

Snow frowned, “You’re worried about her?”

Shrugging, Emma tried to shake it off, “Kind of. I mean today this centaur was seconds away to crushing her skull and last week she was thrown against a tree by a giant bat.”

“Bladelich,” Snow corrected.

“Whatever that thing is called,” Emma waved it off. “My point is a call wouldn’t hurt.” She watched Snow nodding and they fell silent, only broken by the sound of vegetables jumping in the pan.

Eventually, Snow grabbed a fork and finished the meal, asking Emma, “So about the talk at school?”

Emma sighed and left her spot, reaching for the plates to start setting up the table, “I’ll think about it.”

* * *

On the other side of town, Regina scrunched another piece of paper, setting it aside to join the rest of balls of paper, and sighed, frustrated. She decided to give it a rest and grabbed the glass of wine between her thin fingers. She was aware she had lost weight these past months, but she didn’t really care about eating anymore. The only thing she cared about lately was Henry ,of course, and not even her job that she once used to be passionate about no longer interested her.

She moved her chair towards the fire and sipped from her glass, refilling it with magic every time she finished it. She lost track of the time, her mind swimming in a warm pool of alcohol. She focused on the flames, envying them for their freedom and power. The last thing she remembers is the sound of her glass colliding with the back of the chimney and the sight of it melting.

* * *

 

Emma knocked twice and waited for anyone to answer, but after a while it was clear no one would. She counted the rocks on Regina’s porch and reached for the fourth, knowing that was the one hiding the back up key. Regina had remarked her it was for emergencies only, but it really was an emergency: Emma had left her walkie in one of Henry’s bag. So she entered the house to find it almost scarily quiet.

She knew she would find the bag on the hanger at the back of the house, so she headed towards it. She searched in the bag he used when he stayed at her house to put his clothes in and frowned when she didn’t find it. Leaving the bag back in its place, she scratched the back of her head; she was sure it was there. They had been playing with it last week at the park and he had put it inside his bag.

Rolling in her heels, she noticed the door of the study slightly open. Maybe Henry pulled it out and her walkie is in there? She ventured into the room, pushing the door, but she stops when she finds an uncharacteristic mess. There are balls of paper all over the desk and a few threw on the floor, the chair is in front of the chimney, where a soft smoke lets her know it had been lit not so long ago. She approaches it and sees the last traces of what it seems to be a glass. Frowning, and following the distinct nature of curiosity, Emma rounds the desk and grabs one of the papers. She pulls it open and reads.

_Dear Henry,_

_This is probably the worst way to find out about this_

There’s nothing else written and she frowns, grabbing another and opening it.

_Dear Henry,_

_I know it’s selfish to leave like this, but I can’t handle it anymore_

 

Leave? Regina was leaving? She opened another.

_Dear Henry,_

_I hate this_

 

And another.

_Dear Henry,_

_I don’t see another way out. Not anymore_

 

A way out of what? Emma wonders as she opens another, one after the other, all of them letter unfinished for Henry.

_Dear Henry,_

_You deserve more; you deserve the world and I am not enough_

_Dear Henry,_

_You were always the light of my life_

_Dear Henry,_

_I can’t anymore. I want this to end_

_Dear Henry,_

_I don’t see another way out_

 

Emma could read how Regina got more frustrated as the letters followed. She could feel her own heartbeat going wild in her chest; all these letters said nothing and said a lot at the same time. Regina was struggling and she hadn’t realized it; no one had. There was only one paper left, but it wasn’t entirely scrunched; it was almost folded. Her phone vibrated in her pocket twice but she ignored it, holding her breath as she opened the last letter.

_Dear Henry,_

_I’m sorry I’m such a coward._

 

No. Regina wasn’t talking about _actually_ killing herself, was she? It couldn’t be. Or could it? That would explain why she put so much in danger, why she refused to get help, why she is almost about to lose the fight against the monsters until someone gets there. She isn’t actually fighting them; she’s driving herself into death. Her phone vibrated again and she reached for it absently, her hands trembling. She read the messages from her father and the lump in her throat grew.

There was another monster in town. And Regina was there fighting it on her own.

* * *

 

 “What is going on?” Emma asked as she got to the street her father had texted her. They were all standing by the road, watching Regina fight what looked like a giant bear with wings. She was bleeding, her usually clean clothes covered by blood and dirt as she grunted and stood up from the ground. “Regina!” Emma called out.

She took a step forward to help her but an invisible force threw her backwards. Snow helped her to her feet, “She put a spell on us to protect us. She says she can handle it.”

“What?” Emma looked at Regina, who wasn’t handling it at all. “What the fuck is that?”

“A slagghoul,” David explained joining them. Emma opened her mouth, but was cut by Henry.

“Mom? What’s happening?” he asked approaching them with alarm. She could read the fear in his eyes as he glanced over to Regina. “Why is mom there?”

Emma kneeled in front of him, blocking the view, grabbing his shoulders, “Henry, go inside. Everything will be okay.” He seemed to hesitate but she squeezed his shoulders again and he finally nodded. She watched him throw one last glance at Regina, and turning her head, she saw the former Evil Queen look at him with tears in her eyes. Henry looked up at Emma with a worried expression all over his features and she nodded to the apartment. When he disappeared behind the door, she turned to Regina.

“Regina, please let me help you,” she yelled at her.

 Regina shook her head and threw a couple fireballs against the monster. “I can defeat it.”

Emma had seen her throw fireballs before, and she knew those she had just thrown weren’t the best she could do. They barely bothered the bear as it roared and pushed Regina. She flew against a lamp and collided with a thud. It may looked like she was fighting but Emma knew she wasn’t putting her heart in it.

“Regina!” she yelled, tears forming in her eyes and fighting against the invisible force, but there was no use; she couldn’t cross it. “Regina, don’t do this, please. There is another way.”

Standing up slowly, Regina walked over to the monster with a limp and faced the monster. “No,” she said softly. If she hadn’t been looking, Emma wouldn’t have noticed. The Sheriff tried again and failed. Fire emerged from the former queen’s hands, threatening the giant bear. She threw it at him and he dodged it, flying over it and descending so fast Regina couldn’t have seen it coming before it hit her, pushing her to the ground again.

Blood ran down her face, and this time when she looked up, her eyes found Emma’s. The Sheriff shook her head and whispered, “Please.”

Regina smiled at her sadly and she could read her lips, “I’m sorry.”

Then, she stood up as she could and waved her hands. Purple smoke started to appear in her hands as she closed her eyes. In front of her, the monster licked its lips like if he was only playing with food before he ate it, and Emma called out one more time, falling to deaf ears. She saw Regina murmur something and the slagghoul angled to descend again over Regina. When it did, she opened her eyes and Emma could see fire in them. The bear collided against Regina, but instead of throwing her to the ground again, it exploded within a giant bubble of purple smoke as it made contact with her.

When it dissipated, everyone could see Regina lying on the ground, lifeless. Emma felt the invisible wall disappear and ran towards Regina, landing on her knees next to her and yelling her name. She turned her body and watched her face, looking for any signs of life, but there wasn’t any. Blood covered her features by then, and Emma cleaned her face as she could with her shirt.

“Regina, c’mon. This is not your ending. Please, wake up,” she repeated over and over again, but nothing happened. She felt a small hand on her shoulder, her mother’s, but she couldn’t turn. She couldn’t leave Regina. It couldn’t be over.

“Emma…,” Snow whispered, but she didn’t finish the sentence. Snow watched her sobbing over Regina’s dead body, and when she felt David’s arms surrounding her, she turned and buried her face on his chest, letting the tears stream down.

For once, the town was silent.

* * *

 

The day was dark, like if it was mourning too. Emma stood at the front, although she preferred to be at the back, her arms surrounding a sobbing Henry. She heard the Blue Fairy speaking, but she didn’t listen. Nothing they could say would make it better; nothing would bring Regina back.

The coffin was closed and it was all black. Regina would’ve wanted it like that; it was regal. It made her heart sink how appropriate it was for Regina. Once the fairy finished the speech, it was Snow’s turn. Her mother had offered her to talk, but Emma didn’t think she could find any words to say, so she refused. She was only there for Henry; if it wasn’t for him she would’ve already ran away to avoid the pain.

Almost the whole town was there, dressed in black and listening in silence to Snow’s speech. It had surprised Emma the amount of people that had attended, and it made her insides hurt even more. The fact that Regina wasn’t there to witness it was killing her.

When Snow finished, she left a white rose on top of the coffin and handed Henry and Emma their own flower. Emma stood up with her son, walking with him. She waited in the background for him to leave the rose there, standing close enough to hear him whisper.

“Everyone came mom. You were loved.” He turned and hugged Emma, burying his face on her middle. “She was love, right?” he asked between sobs.

Emma swallowed the lump, trying to stay strong for him, and hugged him tightly, “She was, kid. She was.”

**Author's Note:**

> I read this prompt a while ago that were something like "Regina keeps throwing herself into dangerous situations and everyone thinks she's trying to be the hero but actually she just wants to die." I don't remember who wrote it, but I hope I made justice.
> 
> If you ever feel like Regina, please don't be afraid to talk about it. To a friend, a family member, even me, anyone who can help. You're not alone.


End file.
